Would Top Gear succeed or flop in America?

(from left to right: Top Gear hosts Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hamm and James May)

There have been some minor rumblings about bringing the BBC's Top Gear to US television. As Jay Leno confirmed in a recent Sunday Times piece, NBC has bought the US rights to Top Gear and has asked him to host the American version of the show. Leno turned them down (wisely, I believe) and in his column he explains why he thinks a direct translation would not work. I agree. At least, not on network television.

There are many challenges to a US adaptation of the show, the main one being that the BBC's independence from advertising allows it's hosts, in particular, the lethally-tongued Jeremy Clarkson, to bread and fry any car they don't like. In fact, that is the main appeal of the BBC show and part of a trait that is perhaps uniquely British – reveling in the language of clever insult and sardonic savaging.

For the show to survive on network/commercial television it would have to get most of its sponsorship from the automakers themselves, who are one of the largest buyers of prime-time TV advertising anyway. Leno says it himself in his column, that you couldn't criticize the cars anywhere near how they do so on Top Gear because the car makers would pull their advertising and the network would pressure the hosts to tone it down and hence, the formula is no longer. Leno should know something about all the sensibilities required for working in TV; his Tonight Show has been the leading late-night talk show for about 15 years.

But even if NBC were to take the show to cable, like the Discovery Channel, owned by NBC Universal, you still have the fundamental problem of whether there is really any sizable audience for such a show. A cable channel would not be dependent on ad sales and would require a much smaller audience for the show to be a hit, but they would still need to have broad appeal. Why wouldn't there be? Because, there is no equivalent car culture in the US as there is in the UK or Germany, which has about half a dozen popular car shows on TV too Some of those German shows air on private networks that run on advertising dollars. Those advertisers include automakers and, hence, the reviews are relatively sedate. (Besides Germans love their domestic makes and never really dog them. Fortunately, German cars happen to be pretty good anyway.)

Top Gear gets about 8 million viewers in the UK, a country of 65 million people. That would be comparable to something like 30 million viewers in the US, numbers only American Idol achieves on network TV. In Germany and the UK, these shows have broad appeal, primarily to a male audience, yes, but to the general male audience. The same kind of viewer who watches football matches and F1 races on Sunday. Just about every adult male is a potential viewer. There is no comparable generalized male demographic in the US. Even NASCAR is a particular kind of sport and not nearly as mainstream as football, basketball or baseball. In Europe, football (soccer) and F1 are the big sports. And other motor sports such as WRC are huge too.

Also, Jeremy Clarkson is a contradiction of a television personality. He can be an acerbic jerk or a witty cynic with a hidden humanity; often, all in one sentence. This, I believe, is too...just too 'much' for a mainstream American audience. In the US you are either 'edgy', in which case, you have no broad appeal, or a milquetoast host, like Leno himself, who's mass appeal comes partly from the fact that he's not the type to cut anyone down mercilessly, let alone the product of a major sponsor.

Also, a show where a host talks wittily about cars would come off as odd and peripheral to critics. Americans tend to see cars as utilitarian and only a very small percentage are buffs of any kind. In a success-obsessed culture, critics unfamiliar with what is to them an alien sub-culture would ask of a talented host like Clarkson (or Hamm or May), why is this guy's talent being wasted on some low-brow car show? The Top Gear hosts are smart, witty gents. 'Smart' and 'cars' don't mix so easily in a American culture subdivided and pigeonholed into niches.

And where are the fun and affordable cars to talk about? If you're only covering high-end brands like BMW or Lexus or Mercedes, that can alienate your average viewer who has no reasonable chance of ever owning one. Conversely, many of the models that have any mythology attached to them, that bear any character, are actually pick-up trucks, since that is what the domestic automakers have been focused on for the last 15 years. But with oil at 117 dollars a barrel do you really want a host to be waxing poetically on all the fun she/he had driving across country in their old '93 Chevy Z71, which gets about 13 miles per gallon?

It's tempting for auto enthusiasts to want a show like Top Gear to come to the US and expect it to work. The US is just as much a car culture as the UK, right? Just as much, yes, but very different. Americans drive a lot because they have to; which may explain why as consumers they prefer large, comfortable vehicles to small, nimble performers. They also see premium brands more a measure of wealth than as vehicles with superior driving dynamics. Many observers have noted that cars in the US are a commodity and often taken as an appliance by consumers. Some automotive writers have made that point to explain the popularity of Toyota models which may be unexciting to journalists but are extremely reliable and therefore a favorite for consumers. The percentage of time commuters in the US are spending in their cars is ever rising, much of it stuck in unbearable traffic. And maybe those drivers don't want to go home and watch a show that is just about driving.

Mad Max Mosley - "I'm not a Nazi but I play one in grainy sex videos"

In a recent interview with The Sunday Telegraph, Fomula One boss Max Mosley “has defended his right to pursue an 'eccentric' private life” and continues to resist demands that he resign before the end of his term as head of Formula One next year.

Mosley, president of the Federation Internationale de l’Automobile (FIA), the body that oversees Formula One, was caught on video role-playing a Nazi (and alternately a concentration camp prisoner) in an S&M dungeon with 5 prostitutes. You can find the video on YouTube, where you actually hear him shouting in German, which he learned as a teenager.

It all sounds bad enough, but Mosley is also the son of a notorious Nazi-sympathizer. So his insistence that this is just some private 'eccentricity' is of no comfort to his critics (nor to this humble blogger). Mosley's father was the infamous Sir Oswald Mosley, head of the British Union of Fascists, who's second wedding was held at the Berlin residence of Joseph Goebbels (Hi, honey, no need to make supper, we're going over to the Goebbels' tonight) and was attended by Hitler himself.

But hey, there have been more twisted, Nazi-themed sexual fetishisms haven't there? Like this.

Now, I've always thought that one day someone ought to write the definitive book on the psycho-sexual subtexts of Nazism - you know, given all that leather and the barking of orders and stuff. First on the list to be interviewed would be Paul Verhoeven, director of Robocop, Basic Instinct and other exceptionally subtle films with very little sexual and violent content. Just check out the Wehrmacht and SS-style uniforms in his Starship Troopers (Verhoeven lived under German occupation as a child in Holland) and you'll have a laugh, especially seeing Doogie Howser dressed as a proto-Nazi. Extreme satire or fetishism? Maybe both.

BMW M3 Coupe – The mechanical bull dialed back to 1

You know, one of the biggest disappointments of my life has been that I was not old enough to have experienced the Country & Western fad of the late seventies. Of course, I was barely ten when the seventies ended and I grew up in Quebec. Nonetheless, some of you may recall movies like Smokey and the Bandit and Urban Cowboy (and other cinematic and TV fare that made the profession of truckin' look fun), the excessive exposure of Dolly Parton's breasts and, of course, the mechanical bull, which I never got to ride. I think just about every sit-com in the late 70s had an episode where one of the main characters had to ride one. Actually, the last time I saw this lame comedic tactic employed was on an episode of Sex and the City. Although, I believe I may have hallucinated that so, please, do correct me if I'm wrong. And I would have to have been on some serious drugs to be watching Sex and the City.

But I know what it feels like to ride one. The mechanical bull in question here is the BMW M3 coupe, which looks like a huffing and puffing steer at the running of the bulls in Pamplona and rides like you would imagine a Japanese animatronic version of one to. It straddles and grips the road like a beast of burden and measuredly puts kilometers behind you very, very quickly. To its credit, it is direct in its approach to driving – it is all engine and wheels. The original M3 more than 20 years ago came with a 2.3 liter four-cylinder engine with 200hp. Today it has 8 cylinders, 3999cc that pumps out 420hp at an incredible 8300rpm. It's all that revving that makes the car a true rocket. And by rocket I don't mean to employ that word, being the cliché that it is, in a positive sense. After all, a rocket is just an engine and fuel with a singular purpose and nothing else. Where is the personality?

No, this is no wild bull but a robotic one that has been dialed back down to 1. It's all safe. It's made for people with more money than driving skills and for 125,000 Swiss Francs (80,000 euros or 120,000 USD) you're buying the M-brand as much as you're buying an M3 itself and this cars feels like it was designed to 'be' the brand.

It's not that I object to these super cars on moral reasons but aesthetic ones. Power doesn't necessarily make something fun to drive. I'd love to see an automaker one day come out with a version of a car that has less horsepower than it's predecessor but more of the crazy factor. An automobile that matches and balances the engine's performance to the limits of the suspension and chassis but one that twists and spasms and surprises you. I've come to believe that some of these premium brands really get stumped about what to do next with each successive model. Hey, what should we do for the new M3? I dunno. Let's add some more horses. That'll impress them.

All that power comes with a cost. As in, about a quarter tank of gas just to get from Zurich to Basel (about 70 km). Every time I touched the pedal, I would warp-speed into another dimension and instantaneously find myself in the next town 20 kilometers ahead. If I had floored it for more than a second I would have shot up to Brussels instead. (And I'm getting a little tired of BMW's iDrive navigation telling me what to do. I half expect it now to scold me with its female Hal-like voice,”What do you think you're doing, Dave?” every time I make a false turn. “Dave? You weren't supposed to turn there, Dave. Dave? I didn't tell you to turn there, now, did I?...Daisy, daisy...” I guess, it's my fault for still not figuring out how to turn the damn thing off.)

Anyway, having said all that, I have to say, there is no way you cannot like this car. It's pure BMW precision. The 6-speed manual transmission puts you in control and lets you have your bursts of power and decompression thrills. Push the engine past 8,000 rpms and it barely seems rattled. You can try to kill yourself by taking a 40km/h turn at 120 and this car will chuckle at you. If I sounded disappointed before, well, the reason is that driving BMWs spoil you. I was looking for spunk and soul and that's a gratuitous complaint with BMW which can make such perfect performers like this. Yes, sometimes you want to dislike the brand. You hate those pretentious drivers who scurry around in them with smug self-satisfaction. And yet, when I was driving the Z4, which is my absolute favorite convertible ever, and I was getting those looks from people, all I could think was, hey, you would love driving this car too.

The M3 can only be seriously compared to competition like the Mercedes C-Class AMG or the Audi S4/RS6. I will be soon reviewing the RS6 and will post on that. In general, Audis drive like quieter, slightly sounder VWs. And Mercedes' are always mature, responsible, solid, fast and comfortable. But the M3 owns this segment and easily leads in the driving pleasure factor.

With these kind of cars you have to judge them for what they are, for what they are intended to do and how they rank along with their competition. That means acknowledging that M-series models are still the benchmark that no other automaker has really yet to meet as a whole. But it also means being harsh on a car this expensive and with a brand that promises so much. BMW has set the bar real high with the M3 and that is a compliment in itself.

The Ugly Bavarian (or A Little Criticism of Criticism)

Can you see a difference?

Dan Neil at the LA Times thinks the BMW 1 series is ugly.

I have to say I agree with his judgment on its looks, even if I've only once sat in the car and had to be placed in treatment for a bout of claustrophobia, so, I can't say anything about the way it drives.

Now, I envy Neil. He has my number-two dream job (I won't reveal my first, which involves...ah, forget it). Meaning, I would be doing exactly what I'm doing right now, except getting paid enough to purchase consumer goods and services such as food, shelter and clothing. And I'm a huge admirer of Dan Neil's talents, which I've written about before. Although, reading that post now, it kinda verges on the sycophantically creepy. Rest assured, though, I'm not the type to go all Glenn Close and boil anyone's bunny.

But I do feel the need to advise Neil on something he wrote in his review of the 1-series.

“I search the stars in vain for a reason the designers gave this car a notch-back design -- so that there is a discernible trunk in the back -- when it so plainly aches for a fastback. “

The answer is simple, Dan. There is a fastback version in Europe. But when you say fastback in the United States of America, someone will inevitably provide its bastardized translation: hatchback. Subsequently, as soon as American consumers hear the word hatchback they, each and every one of 300 million people, immediately think of their uncle Lou's 1984 Dodge Omni and flee accordingly in the opposite direction, howling madly and flailing their arms in the air in hysteria.

There.

And since when can't the LA Times afford to spring for a photographer instead of lifting its photos of the car from the BMW press site (the German plates sort of give it away) like some second-rate car blog (not this one!) too afraid to break copyright rules? This does not bode well for my career in automotive criticism (gotta get back to that novel) if a huge paper like the Times is that cost-conscious with its auto section even with a story by a Pulitzer-Prize winning writer.

Times change, people change, currency rates fluctuate

The currency markets are at it again. The dollar took another dip today and it takes an amazing 1.54 US dollars to buy yourself a euro these days.

But the strength of the euro is hurting European car makers in the global market. VW is looking to hedge their currency exposure by building a plant in the US. They're still searching for a site somewhere in the business-friendly (read: union hostile) Southern states.

But Dieter Zetsche thinks it's good exercise.

From the FT:

Dieter Zetsche, chief executive of Daimler, likens European carmakers’ battles with the strong euro to a session in the gym.

“The currency situation is a permanent training course for us. We always have to keep going and improving and that is keeping us fit.”

--

But the German car makers are all making more money now, except for BMW, than they were in 2002 when there was a dollar/euro parity.

Maybe he has a point. The currency pressures and competitiveness make them improve their productivity and creativity in delivering desirable products to the marketplace.

--

And building a US plant is not a simple solution as the FT story explains.

Part of the reason lies in the fact that production accounts for only a small proportion of a carmaker’s dollar exposure.

BMW estimates it is worth about 10-15 per cent of its exposure whereas purchasing accounts for 60-80 per cent. And here matters are much trickier.

The crisis in the US car industry has led to severe problems for suppliers and the German luxury carmakers have found difficulties in building up a reliable supply base that can provide them with the same quality of components as back home.

“There is a big problem with suppliers over there – many of them are almost dead. That makes a new factory less likely,” says Mr Zetsche.

Geneva, Geneva - It's better to look good than to feel good

This is what the Geneva show is really all about.

Gawking at the cars is for the motor heads.

Journalists who cover this yearly event and the people in the industry who work it know what I'm talking about. The Geneva show is essentially a massive marketing campaign which the automakers conduct in collusion with one another. It's about roiling in the glamor of motoring and the auto industry and getting a bunch of free press for all the new car launches.

For journalists it's always a fun gig to cover but I have to say the blatant gender inequality on display at Geneva (and at the Paris/Frankfurt shows too) makes even this macho Italian uncomfortable.

Already, the European industry suffers from a dearth of female executives, which is something I've written about before. And automotive journalism too is still predominantly a man's game. So you have the executives there, a collection of middle-aged white guys, in their 3,000 euro suits talking shop with the journalists, a collection of slightly younger, much more poorly dressed white guys and then all these would be models standing around looking pretty...and pretty tired too from all the hours of posing and forced smiles. It is really striking. The women are basically props and the message it sends is very clear.

I've always thought it would be a good joke if one day a female executive unveils a new car launch accompanied by a set of buffed up, stupid good-looking male models with fake tans and steroid tweaked muscles. Just to make a point, really.

I'm a guy and the girls are cute but, man, come on, this is ridiculous.

Peugeot 308 2.0 HDi - I'm getting old, buy me a diesel

I remember once seeing the actor Brian Dennehy being interviewed on a late-night talk show about 10 years ago. The host happened to mention the name of the latest, hip rock band that was raging against the world at the time and asked Dennehy (then about 60 years old) if he had even heard of them. Dennehy just brushed him off with a wave of the hand and said dismissively, ”I'm old. I don't have to know.”

Such is the advantage of getting older. You get to not care. And don't underestimate the luxury of that in our technology-driven, changes-by-the-minute, hipness obsessed culture. There is also the lesson here of life coming in cycles. Remember how you would make fun of your teachers in school for wearing clothes that were out of date? Well, one day, that will be you. It might be you already. This world is cruel and it will inevitably make you uncool. Your only response can be to not give a crap. Because, in truth, not giving a crap is one of life's most liberating pleasures.

Which brings us to the modern diesel engine. When I test a car I have to push it to certain limits to get a feel for its engineering. Meaning, I floor the pedal and shift gears at the rpm of maximum horsepower; which for diesels is usually somewhere around 4000 and for gasoline engines in the region of 6000. But while driving the new Peugeot 308 HDi (2.o liter with 140 hp and 320 Nm) I just didn't bother.

I happen to like this engine which Peugeot developed together with Ford and is found in the Ford S-Max and other models I've tested before. This diesel is so easy that no matter which gear you're in you can call upon a massive reserve of pulling power with a stomp of the accelerator. I found this comfortable. I found it comforting. I liked just being able to enjoy the drive and not having to bother to shift all the time or worry whether I'm in the right gear or not. You could driver this car in 4^th gear all day long and it wouldn't matter. So, I did. Don't feel like changing gears? Don't. Not a problem. We are not in a rush. We are not looking to look cool anymore. We've got other worries to occupy our time. As I drove, whilst at the same time driving myself insane with those mundane pre-occupations of daily life, like getting the laundry out, cooking the baby's food, handing in that story on time, doing my banking, calling my mother, picking up that thing for my sister, etc. etc., I really didn't need to give a hoot what gear I was in. I'm Dennehying.

The 308 feels a little lumpier and more languid than its predecessor which itself was not as nimble as the 306. But this growth is a contagion affecting much of the cars in this segment including the segment-leading VW Golf. The 308 drives like a sedan - which isn't to say it's necessarily a bad thing. Remember, none of us are getting any younger and to have a car that's large and comfortable while still pretending to be a sporty(-like) hatch...well, that's the definition of the compromises we make while aging.

But I have no idea how Peugeot ever hope to make a GTi version of this car. They probably won't, since the 307 GTi never came to be. Peugeot sources tell me they are very reticent to be seen doing anything that smacks of me-too-ism with regard to VW. Hence they don't offer 4 wheel drive or a GTi version. Smart move. Maybe next they can eliminate air conditioning. But hey, they have a glass roof where you can drive under the sky all day without having to brave the elements.

Market-wise, I think the 308 is a very competitive model, particularly with this diesel engine. It still offers better looks than the Golf, although it's really just a pumped up 207 with a design that better suits the smaller dimensions of that model. In this most competitive segment, which is also the largest in the European market, you have to change your standards of judgment as the cars become larger and aiming for comfort and space over performance. These really are no longer the 'hot-hatches' of the past. Not this 308 and not all the others like the Astra, Focus, Megane, etc. That label belongs solely to the segments below now - the Polo, the 207, Clio, and all. For what the 308 promises - comfort, room, the sedate stylishness in the delicate lines of its sloping design, lots of soft power under the hood with some precise steering (electric) and some remaining echoes of Peugeot's previous magnetic handling - it delivers in a very typical, modern, corporate-competent manner. It's a car even Brian Dennehy would like a ride in.